Thank Me Later (Tory’s one shot)
My mouth formed in the shape of an ‘O’ as I breathed in air. I felt it, travel as wind in my mouth, it continued into my body quenching it’s thirst for oxygen. It stabbed at my heart, squeezed it painfully. The pain from my heart radiated through my veins, the pain was everywhere. It was everything… it had been for a while.
The aching feeling was in my mind, convincing me that it was time. I had always set it off, the pain. God puts us on the planet for a reason. We are all here on a mission. Wether its to be a scientific genius, to mother a child, to save someone’s life, or be someone’s second half.
“To give love to someone and get love in return. Thats the reason for life.” Thats what my dad told me once when I was very young. So you must be wondering what happened to this girl that shes in so much pain? The answer is nothing. I was blessed with an amazing life, more or less. Still, here I was practically writhing in the amount of pain I felt. All I wanted was to feel the calm. There is the infamous idea that before you die your entire life flashes before your eyes. I waited.
I felt the skin on my hand form tiny black dots where the sweaty palm met the metal…. the dark blue metal bar of the bridge I stood on. It was pitch black out, the world was a cave and I was under a shadow.
“Lifes too short to even care at all…” The lyrics rang in my head, Young The Giant. Warm tears slid down my cheeks nonchalantly but I was anything but sad. I had waited a long, painful amount of time for this moment, my moment, where I could end it all. I wouldn’t ache in my heart. Naturally, my brain had other plans and human instinct kicked in. Rational me was trying to talk real me out of it.
“Help! I need somebody… Help! Not just anybody.. Help! You know I need someone… help..” I sang it under my breath but I made no sound to the outside world. I tried to enjoy these last few minutes of life, I knew, in my better place, I would look back on them fondly.
I was always quite content with alone time but alone time is quite different then being alone. As a child I would sit in my back yard and faintly make out the angry screams of my parents from inside the house. I would tune them out, listening to a playlist of my favorite songs in my head. “When I was younger so much younger than today… I never needed anybody’s help in any way. But now these days are gone I’m not so self-assured. Now I find, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve opened up the doors.” I thought about the lyrics..
Help was my favorite song when I was little. I felt like I knew what it meant. When I was younger than I am now I was oblivious to the pain. When my mom was drunk I though she was just acting funny and when my dad was killed in a terrible incident at work I couldn’t truly know I would never see him again. I would see him later. But now that I’m older I’ve ‘opened up the doors’ as the Beatles put it. My mind is more understanding now and everything I’ve realized.. just translates into pain.
“Help me if you can I’m feeling down… and I do appreciate you being ‘round….” I froze the song in my brain and shoved it away, probably the last time I would think about it, still living. No one had ever been ‘round’ for me. Other than my dad— No! I thought he was there but he left me alone. Then my mom left me. I laughed a bit darkly in my spot at the corner of the bridge. At least my friends didn’t leave, I thought to myself bitterly. Oh wait I didn’t have any.
I was being snarky and clever in my mind but my tears streamed faster. I never understood the friendship concept. A friend is someone who enjoys your company and helps you up when you’re down, typically someone close to your age who you could turn to. Maybe I was wrong. But when I thought of friends I came up empty.
I came home from school, 8 years old, I heard my mom screaming at my dad upstairs.
“DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH ME YOU BASTARD” She yelled. I rolled my eyes. That was my mom being dramatic. My dad is the most loving man you will ever meet. Tears formed subconsciously in my eyes. I hated when she yelled at him.. why did she have to be so mean? I put my pink lunch box down on the kitchen counter next to an empty wine bottle.
“Oh…” I whispered to myself, that explains it. I picked my phonics book out of my backpack and started walking back to the door. Guess Im doing my homework outside today, I thought to myself. There was a loud slam and my mom came galloping down the stair, nearly missing the last two steps. I could hear her bedroom door creak open as daddy followed her out. Jogging down the stairs, fast enough to make sure mom didn’t leave but slow enough to stop her from screaming at him. My moms eyes spotted me and she glared evilly. She was a different person some days, I swear. and I didn’t get it at all.
“Where do you think you’re going, spoiled brat?” More ignorant tears formed in my eyes as she grabbed my shoulders painfully, demanding an answer.
“Jane..” Dad said moms name warningly, knowing that if he pried her off me she would scream bloody murder. However his warning came as a dare to her as her nails sunk deeper into my skin. I started gasping through my otherwise silent tears.
“I-I-I w-was going ta-to do my homew-er-work!” I exclaimed, weakly lifting my book to show her. She slapped me straight across the face, hard. I screamed.
“JANE!” Dad screamed at her angrily.
“Daddy..” I cried but he couldn’t come as she took me back under her aggressive grip.
“I was going to get an abortion, you know?” My Mom whispered in my ear, her voice was cold against me. The words, that made no sense to me, outraged my father.
“JANE!” He screamed again. He took her roughly by the arm, taking her away from me, but my mom continued to look at me with eyes full of hate.
“AN ABORTION!” she screamed as my dad took her into another room “LIFE WOULD BE EASIER IF YOUR DAD HADN’T GONE AND FUCKED IT UP- TELLING ME I HAD TO HAVE THE BABY- WE COULD BE A FAMILY. WELL LOOK AT YOU NOW NOTHING BUT AN UGLY, NO GOOD SPOILED BRAT—” Her voice faded out eventually. But the words hung in my brian, dying to know the meaning. Whats an abortion?….
End of Flashback**
“Well I couldn’t tell you why she felt that way, she felt it everyday.. And I couldn’t help her.. I just watched her make the same mistakes again.” I held on to my dad’s old sweatshirt that hung loose as a curtain on my body. I listened to the song as it played on in my head and I knew, I knew that this would be the last time I heard it, any music. When it was over, this is the end. Last song, last breaths, last looks, last memories. It was the end! My head and my heart cheered for it to come faster. The escape! No more pain! “What wrong, whats wrong now? Too many, too many problems.” I picked up one foot and felt the adrenaline course through me as I hoisted myself up to stand on top of the bar. The gentle breeze gently pushed my hair back and forth. I closed my eyes, embracing it. “Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs—” It wasn’t the end of the song but it was my cue. With tears still streaming through my silky lashes. I took one last deep breath to fuel my farewell.
“Goodbye” I told the shadows. And I let go and began to fall forward— wait. There was a sharp pull at the back side of my Dad’s sweater and I was held in place. My eyes flew open wide and I saw that I had been stopped- I wasn’t falling. I could see the water far below me undisturbed. I could feel the pain, still radiating from my heart, the heart that shouldn’t be beating. A pair of hands pulled me back over the railing and dropped me on the side of the bridge. A car zoomed passed, not noticing the scene at all, the speed made my hair fly around my face.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!” A voice yelled, my head snapped up to my rescuer, the one who had ruined everything. I simply glared at him, angrily. If I kept this up maybe he would see I wasn’t even worth saving and leave and I could have my happy ending. I observed four more boys behind him, one had curly-ish big hair, I couldn’t tell. He was only a few feet behind the one who had pulled me up. He looked outraged, very angry indeed, as if he knew me and I had betrayed him. Probably 8 feet behind angry face stood three more boys I couldn’t tell much about them, my vision blurred by tears, only that they stood very still, mouths wide open, staring.
“Hello!?” Oh ‘savior’ was angry too now. I DON’T SEE WHY. I DIDN’T RUIN HIS EVERYTHING. I found myself shivering, glaring at the boy but the tears seemed to go away, I had an inner mechanism that stopped me from crying in front of people, it was some kind of gift God gave me. With better vision I could actually see the boy I was glaring at, he had slightly sweeping brown hair and a softy friendly face that was currently warped with shock, fear, and confusion. His eyes were a deep kind of brown but I couldn’t see a drop of understanding, or sympathy within them. He looked back to ‘angry face’ for guidance but the curly haired boy could only shrug, not knowing what to do.
Traffic was nonexistent on the bridge apart from the occasional speed racer that decided to pass by. Time froze for a couple of minutes and we all stood still. I wanted nothing more than for him to turn around and leave and I could still have a chance.. The boy’s face softened a bit and her bent down next to me but a good foot away, afraid. “Whats your name?” He spoke with a british accent and a gentle voice. I prepared swears to spit at him in my head but when I opened my mouth-
“Tory..” I whispered. I had no volume, it felt surreal to know you should be dead but- you aren’t. Some may say a good kind of surreal- but not when you’re on death’s side.
“I’m Liam..” He said. I had no words. Why had I even told this Liam character my name? For some reason some part of me was soft for the boy I’d never talked to before. Probably because him saving me was a generally kind act. I hadn’t been shown kindness since I was 8.. “Tory..” He said “I like that name..” Right then whatever random feeling of warmth I felt towards him vanished and I felt my blood boil. I could tell the anger showed on my face.
“You don’t know me.” I stated with dark eyes and a deathly voice.
“Ah.. but I would like too.” He said, smiling, as if we were exchanging pleasant banter.
“Well I hope you’re used to being disappointed.” I challenged, he wouldn’t get to know me because we didn’t have that long. Soon enough I’d be off this bridge, or on a bed somewhere with a slit wrist, or in a bathroom dead from an OD on pills. His smile fell right from his warm face to the cold ground we sat on.
“I’m not.” He answered, point blank. My face twisted in hatred as I looked at the boy with narrow eyes.
“You ruined everything.” I hissed. His smiled returned, he was taunting me now, I felt it.
“And hows that?” He wondered with mock ignorance in his voice.
“You saved my life.” I growled. His smile grew bright and wide as he pushed himself off the ground. He then took my hand that was loosely leaning on my knee and forced my from my rock position, litterally, he was very strong. I stumbled a bit, my legs numb and one hand found its way to rest on his chest to steady myself. I flinched away, annoyed at the contact. His hand flew up to hold me in place his lips hovering near my ear.
“You can thank me later.”
(Author’s Note: An anon sent me a request for a tory and liam one shot and I don’t know anything about them obviously because it was an anon and this is kinda an intense one shot so I am very sorry if I offended anyone. Im sure the real Tory’s mom is a very nice lady and she has a very nice life(: thank you. feedback?.xx)